Despair

Despair

My life is mired in pain and despair.
Hurt courses my veins
Like a thread in a silk tapestry.

I am aging though not gracefully.
I ache with each rising.
My appearance evades my youth
Like darkness does the sun.

I have not the coward ness
To make a deal with the devil,
Keep my youth and age
A picture in the attic, like Dorian Gray
Nor the resolve to take action.

Oh it is more than age and the grayness of my sky
It’s the realization that I cannot
Control my very being.
Despair is worst than a disease or drug
It is insidious the way is creeps about.

I cry for help yet no one hears
I fight the tears like that in a battle of one
One is not the loneliest number it can be two
Or three disconnected by life’s sea.
The question is where will I be?

My tapestry is painted with threads of pain
Like rivers that flow with out names.
I wonder around, trying to see
How can I fix those around and just not me?
Oh joy don’t escape me help me grab hold

I suffer in silence I suffer alone.
I suffer the pain while feelings of stone
Hinder my thoughts like the flow of a brook
Down hill they go with out a second look
I feel one day I’ll close that book.

But how, will they care if I dare?
Do they know just how I’ll go?
In pain? Am I insane?
I don’t know, I just feel the pain.